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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27934741">cacophony</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaiphrodite/pseuds/kaiphrodite'>kaiphrodite</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Choi Soobin Is Bad At Feelings, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Oblivious Huening Kai, Pining, Possesive Choi Soobin, Soft Huening Kai, idk what i'm writing, poor Binnie, this is basically a handbook about how to deal with posessiveness in a healty way</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:54:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,482</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27934741</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaiphrodite/pseuds/kaiphrodite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Soobin had always imagined himself to be an understanding and mature person, so this <i>jealously</i> he felt deep in his bones all just because his boyfriend had chatted with a guy, just blew away any preconceptions that he had.</p>
<p>And he couldn't help but wonder if this was a good or bad thing.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin/Huening Kai, Huening Kai/Everyone</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>cacophony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>inspired by soobin's jelaous moments on youtube! boy really can't help himself but show how uncomfortable he is lol. happy reading~</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The familiar scent of brewed coffee and the sweetness of the pastries greeted them when Soobin pushed open the door into the bakery, his other hand tugging Kai in by the sleeve of his coat. Kai just let out a small giggle in amusement at Soobin's eagerness, and walking forward to stand in line, he pushed at Soobin gently.</p>
<p>"Go find a seat hyung, I'll get the coffee. Do you want anything besides the usual?" Kai asked, bending his body sideways so he could glance at the pastry display shelf.</p>
<p>"But I want to get our coffee." As soon as the words left his mouth, Kai turned around and stared at him firmly.</p>
<p>"<em>Soobin-hyung</em>,” he gave him a stare that meant to be stern, but it only made him look adorable in Soobin’s eyes. “You are the one who got our coffee for the last <em>seven </em>times we were here. Anytime that I wanted to do it, you pushed me away immediately, and I don't know what kind of odd idea you have in your head, but I'm <em>not</em> letting you pay this time. Do you understand me?"</p>
<p>Soobin nodded, both fascinated and slightly wary of Kai's ire. Before he could wonder if he had to apologize, Kai's face softened and gave him a fond but exasperated look.</p>
<p>"Not mad, hyungie. Go get a seat and wait patiently like a good boyfriend. Now, do you want anything? The muffins look particularly yummy today, though god knows what one of them would do to my hips."</p>
<p><em>Boyfriend</em>. The word just had such a nice sound to it, and in the past month and a half that they have been official, Soobin had not once tire of hearing and saying it, or stopped being amazed that he had Kai—this kind, witty, and just all around perfect and drop-dead gorgeous boy—as his boyfriend.</p>
<p>And he suspects that this novelty will never wear off, if he had something to say and do about it, Soobin was determined to be sticking around for quite some time.</p>
<p>Aware that he was grinning like a love-sick-idiot (which is kind of true), Soobin just stepped forward and wound his arms around Kai's waist, squeezing tightly once before reluctantly letting go.</p>
<p>"Get me one of those chocolate muffins, and I trust you know my coffee order?" Soobin said teasingly.</p>
<p>On cue, Kai gave him one of his blank stare, and replied, "Of course I know your coffee order." But there's a soft blush on his cheeks, and his lips were twitching at the corners, as if he's trying not to smile. And Soobin knows that Kai is just adorable like that and grinned even wider for the both of them.</p>
<p>With a final lingering touch on Kai's arm, Soobin turned around and goes to look for a space for the both of them. Fortunately, one of the window-side two-seat tables was vacant, and Soobin quickly made his way over and plopped down on the seat which faces the counter directly. Setting his bag down, Soobin resumed what seems to be one of his favorite hobbies recently—watching Kai.</p>
<p>It was almost Kai's turn at the counter, and Soobin was just admiring how utterly <em>adorable</em> his boyfriend was in his oversized lavender and overalls, topped with those cute white sneakers. that he didn't notice the man standing behind Kai until he heard Kai's giggle.</p>
<p>He was frowning before he knew it, because Kai only giggles like that—all sort of high and breathless at the same time—when he finds something so hilarious or he's so happy that he just giggles on reflex before laughing. As Soobin's eyes turned to seek out the source of amusement, it was only then that he noticed a quite handsome blond male around their age standing closely behind Kai, and Kai was turned slightly sideways to chat with the guy.</p>
<p>Even from that distance, Soobin could easily see how excited Kai was. His eyes were wide and shining in the best possible way, his arms gesturing wildly, and the expression on his face was easy and natural. Kai looked so alive that Soobin would have stared appreciatively at the sight if it wasn't for the fact that there was in fact a <em>very</em> attractive male stranger which seemed to be chatting up <em>his</em> <em>boyfriend.</em></p>
<p>It took Soobin another few moments before he realized that he was clenching his fists so tightly that it was almost painful, and there was this odd, foreign feeling just bubbling in the pit of his stomach, making him feel vaguely nauseous and anxious at the exact same time. Taking in a deep breath, Soobin was slightly surprised that the churning in his stomach did not go away, and had in fact, worsened when he noticed that the man was placing his hand on Kai's shoulder. He was gritting his teeth by then, and a thousand thoughts ran through his head, so fast that he couldn't even bother to keep track of them.</p>
<p>
  <em>Who the hell are you? Get your hands away from my boyfriend, you imbecile!</em>
</p>
<p>Soobin had always prided himself on being a sensible person that could easily control his feelings, but now, it seemed that all senses have left him and he could do nothing but let this torrent of emotions wash over him.</p>
<p>He didn't understand at all. This was just not like him. And he didn't understand why he was feeling this way exactly, because he had never felt like this before.</p>
<p>Soobin never had any real violent thoughts before this, but the sight of the blond man just touched a nerve. And Soobin was fairly sure that it's not normal for him to just want to stand up and rush forward to push the man away from Kai—preferably with a well-placed glare and a few cutting words.</p>
<p>But he was supposed to be a gentleman, and good boyfriends don't just run around telling off strangers and embarrassing their other half which seems to be having a genuinely nice chat.</p>
<p>So Soobin just frowned, and took in more calming breaths (which was absolutely no help at all in damping down his emotions), and waited for Kai to take up their order.</p>
<p>When the two cups of coffee and a plate of pastry were placed for Kai to collect, Soobin stood up, wanting to help Kai with it. But the stranger beat him to it, and giving Kai a smile, picked up the plate and his own coffee, clearly wanting to help.</p>
<p>Soobin didn't know what he wanted. But he had a nagging suspicion that it involved a whole lot of frowned-upon violent gestures and hostility from his side.</p>
<p><em>God's sake, just calm down, what's wrong with me today?</em> He couldn't help but wonder.</p>
<p>Kai was smiling as he reached their table, the man trailing behind with his own similar smile. As Kai placed down their coffees, he too leaned forward to place down the plate, flashing Soobin a wide grin.</p>
<p>Soobin didn't know how to react, so he just stared blankly back.</p>
<p>Kai threw a questioning look at Soobin, obviously sensing that there's something wrong with Soobin's expression, and launched into introductions.</p>
<p>"Soobin, this is Taehyun. And Taehyun, this is my boyfriend, Soobin." Kai said, his cheeks flushed softly and his eyes brightening when he mentioned Soobin as his boyfriend.</p>
<p>Odd, Soobin was feeling a sort-of vindictive pride at Kai's words. A small part of him inside was probably jumping around like a three year-old on sugar rush and shouting smug 'Take that!'s at the stranger. But outwardly, he dropped his blank stare and gave Kai what he hoped was an adoring and loving look, and gave him a smile.</p>
<p>Taehyun grinned, and stepped forward with his hand extended.</p>
<p>"So nice to meet you. You wouldn't believe how Kai had been ranting on about you just now." Taehyun's tone seemed genuine and friendly, and Soobin reached out and shook his hand in return.</p>
<p>Sitting down opposite him, Kai blushed brilliantly. "As if you weren't gushing about your own boyfriend to me just now." He retorted, and it's Taehyun's turn to look abashed.</p>
<p>At the words, it's as if the fire burning inside him had been drenched with ice cold water, and Soobin felt sudden reassurance and relief that Taehyun had a boyfriend and wasn't some guy who wanted to snatch Kai away from him.</p>
<p>"Well, that's true. Hey, it's nice meeting both of you, but Beomgyu's waiting for me and I have to go. Hope that we'll meet again!" Taehyun replied, and with a cheery wave, dashed out of the coffee shop.</p>
<p>Kai smiled. "Isn't he nice? Apparently he came from a small town too, and was glad to see us being together despite the fact that we have an age gap and whatnot. He said that he and Beomgyu had made it through their high school years together. They are now living in Gangnam, and they've been together for nearly six years. That's just so sweet." Kai gushed.</p>
<p>Soobin smiled, just loving how adorable Kai was being, and was still silently berating himself for over-reacting, even though it was all in his mind.</p>
<p>Really, there's no need to get that possessive and jealous just because some guy was chatting with Kai—Soobin's thoughts struck to a sudden standstill, and his eyes widened at the sudden revelation.</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>OH.</p>
<p>Noticing that Soobin seemed out of sorts, Kai reached forward and touched his hand softly.</p>
<p>"Hey, are you alright?"</p>
<p>Soobin swallowed down the sudden lump in his throat, and looking back at Kai, took in his delicate features as he turned his hand and squeezed Kai's hand gently.</p>
<p>Everything just seemed magnified and sharper than usual, and Soobin was suddenly even more aware of just how crazily in love he was with Kai. "I'm fine, baby. Just tired, I guess. I had this crazy test today and it almost killed me."</p>
<p>As Kai gave him a concerned look but accepted his explanation, Soobin could only grip at Kai's hands tighter, because he had just realized that he really didn't want to let go of Kai, not even for a small moment.</p>
<p>Because for the first time in his life, Soobin realized that he had actually been jealous. Just positively green with envy. And all just because Kai had chatted with a guy.</p>
<p>Soobin didn't know if this would be a recurring thing, because he had always imagined himself to be an understanding and mature boyfriend, and <em>this</em>, this just blew away any preconceptions that he had.</p>
<p>And Soobin couldn't help but wonder if this was a good or bad thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The second time that Soobin was jealous, it was also the time that he seriously considered the notion that he might be the easily-jealous and possessive-type of boyfriend after all.</p>
<p>The scene itself was weirdly similar to that time where a waitress had tried to flirt with him, only this time it was Kai getting flirted with by a shop assistant.</p>
<p>Soobin just wonders if it's karma coming back to bite him in the ass.</p>
<p>Kai had been ecstatic when he noticed that there was a new men's apparel shop in the mall, and had proceeded to drag Soobin in, saying that Soobin desperately needed a wardrobe makeover and that he was thinking about buying some new clothes for his dad too.</p>
<p>Soobin had, of course, been more than happy to accompany Kai. And it was a thrill to see him so excited at such a simple thing, because Kai's eyes just sparkle so brightly in such times, a far cry from Kai's usually shy, composed self, and he would grin almost constantly—an adorable, slightly quirky slanting of lips as they tilted upwards to reveal a gummy smile, and a grin which just crinkles up the corners of Kai's eyes.</p>
<p>It was a date with his boyfriend, and Soobin was just having such a great time that it was probably why he didn't realize that the shop assistant shadowing him and Kai was paying far more interest to Kai than what was considered professionally helpful.</p>
<p>Kai had discovered a pair of dark navy jeans that had him giving out a short squeal of delight before he had rushed off to the changing rooms to try it on. Soobin had just shook his head over Kai's enthusiasm for fashion before wandering off around the shop, checking out the different designs available.</p>
<p>Finding a shirt that seemed to fit Kai's criteria of what he wanted to buy for his dad, Soobin picked it up and made way over to the changing area, and turning the corner, was so surprise at the sight that greeted him that it made him stop in his tracks.</p>
<p>Kai was out of the changing room, wearing the jeans he had chosen as he looked himself through with the floor length mirror hanging on one side of the wall.</p>
<p>Soobin's first thought was: <em>Damn.</em></p>
<p>Kai looked absolutely delectable in those skin tight jeans. It looked as if the jeans were tailor made for him, and the shape and material just clung to all the right places that it completely showed off Kai's long, slender legs and accentuated the curves of his hips, showing off Kai's assets perfectly.</p>
<p>Soobin was swallowing a mouthful of saliva before he knew it.</p>
<p>His second thought was: He wasn't the only one who noticed how hot Kai is.</p>
<p>The shop assistant was now standing eerily close to Kai. And as Kai turned slightly to check out the behind of his jeans, Soobin absolutely did <em>not</em> imagine the way the guy's eyes flickered downwards and upwards appreciatively.</p>
<p>Something inside him just snapped, and before he knew it, he had strode forward and giving the assistant an icy stare, shoved the shirt at him and stepped up to circle his arms around Kai's waist. Kai gave a surprised yelp, but instantly relaxed when he noticed that it was Soobin.</p>
<p>Soobin propped his chin on Kai's shoulder, and gave the side of Kai's neck where his mole resided, a firm, but fleeting kiss, in which just made Kai melt and mold his body even more against Soobin's. It was one of Kai's sensitive zones and Soobin knew that by doing that, it would effectively turn Kai into mush.</p>
<p>Kai gave him a small smile and continued to judge his image in the mirror. "Hyung, what do you think about these jeans?"</p>
<p>Soobin replied, "I think that my <em>boyfriend</em> looks absolutely gorgeous in them, and am seriously contemplating buying them for you." And even though he was talking to Kai, his eyes were fixed on the mirror where they reflected the assistant who was still standing behind them.</p>
<p>The man was really quite attractive, with dark shaggy hair and deep brown eyes, and of course, towering over Soobin by a steady few centimeters which was quite rare because him and his boyfriend weren’t a 6.0 giant for nothing. But Soobin just gave the man his most cold stare as he hugged Kai tighter.</p>
<p><em>Back off, he's mine.</em> He concentrated on pouring his whole will into the glare, hoping that it would convey exactly what he was thinking at that moment.</p>
<p>Apparently it worked, because after a moment of glaring back at Soobin, the guy scowled and stormed off, obviously displeased that he had lost.</p>
<p>Soobin just smirked and nuzzled Kai's shoulder gently with the tip of his nose. And Kai smiled back at him through the mirror, having missed the entire battle of wills between Soobin and that guy just now. Pushing away, Soobin spun Kai around and tugged at both of his hands.</p>
<p>"Now, get changed out of these, and we'll pay and get out of this shop because I think that I ought to treat my gorgeous boyfriend to a meal of his choosing," Soobin muttered affectionately, but there was no mistaking the darkening in his eyes as they roved over Kai's form.</p>
<p>Kai blushed, still not used to the praises that Soobin described him with, but he countered Soobin's gaze with his own patented smoldering look, and <em>god damn</em>, how did Soobin ever thought that Kai wasn't sexy?</p>
<p>"Is that so? I have been craving for some egg tarts recently, maybe some—" The rest of Kai's words were cut off and swallowed as Soobin surged forwards and claimed his lips in a bruising and passionate kiss.</p>
<p>When Soobin finally ended the kiss with a final nibble at Kai's bottom lip, Kai was full-on flushed, and his eyes had taken on a hazy and dark gleam, lips swollen and glistening in the most enticing natural lush red, and it took all of Soobin's self control to not just continue on with what they were doing. Because first off, this is a public place, and secondly, there was just this selfish part of him that half wanted everyone to see Kai now and <em>know</em> that he is Soobin's and vice versa; and another half which just wanted to keep Kai's utterly debauched look all to himself, because it's just so seductive and hot and Soobin doesn't think that he would like it very much if everyone is leering at his boyfriend.</p>
<p>Instead, he just pushed a still bewildered Kai into the changing room and closed the door for him.</p>
<p>The moment that he heard the tell tale click of the door locking, Soobin immediately slumped against the wall opposite the door, his heart and mind still racing and coming to terms with what had just happened.</p>
<p>Soobin realized he had once more lost control of his emotions, and there was no doubt now that he had been jealous <em>again</em> of an utter stranger. But at least this time the guy did actually seemed to be interested in Kai. God knows what would have happened if Soobin hadn't shown up at that moment. And oh god, now he was feeling jealous and possessive at just the mere <em>thought</em> of what could have happened. With a small sigh, Soobin rubbed at his forehead gently.</p>
<p>Maybe it's time he started re-evaluating himself and this newfound <em>dark side</em> of his personality, Soobin thought absent-mindedly.</p>
<p>Because if there is one thing that he was sure of, Soobin was certain that this won't be the last time, and might in fact, be a prelude and a sort of warning against the many more times that will come in the future.</p>
<p>Soobin groaned.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The third time this happened, Soobin was prepared.</p>
<p>He was determined to be the perfect boyfriend, and after the second time, he had gone into a frenzy of internet searching and reading up on materials. He had taken in everything from how to control his emotions and seeking advice from dating websites, to reading up on other people's experience. He was honestly surprised at the varying degrees of opinion, and while some people find that the occasional jealous fits were completely appropriate and show how one cares about the other; there were also some which expressed their distaste over the matter, stating that jealousy was unbecoming because it showed a lack of trust and they also find it to be suffocating. And of course, there were also those who enjoyed it, reveling in the attention given to them by their other half.</p>
<p>And Soobin didn't know how Kai would take it. His boyfriend is such a level-headed and independent person, and Soobin was slightly worried that if Kai knows, he might be offended, just like some of those people on the internet. But on the other hand, Soobin didn't know if he could control the urge to <em>not</em> feel jealous, because it was such an instinctual response.</p>
<p>He had worried over the matter for quite a few days, before finally deciding that it was pointless to keep on fussing over it. And Soobin had since then adopted a come-what-may attitude.</p>
<p>So, the third time it happened, Soobin had honestly thought that he would have a better grasp of his emotions and would be able to tide over the situation as if it didn't matter. He <em>had</em> studied up on the matter, and he gained his confidence in that.</p>
<p>But if the third time was a test in this particular subject, Soobin would have without a doubt, <em>failed </em>spectacularly.</p>
<p>And the solid fact was—Soobin lost utter control of himself in the most dramatic and horrifying way ever.</p>
<p>He had actually gone and punched someone before he realized what it was that he had <em>done</em>.</p>
<p>Mortified didn't even begin to cover what he had felt after it. To top it all off, it happened on the same day as their three-month-anniversary. And dear god, even the memory itself was so mortifying that he winced every time he thought about it.</p>
<p>For the day itself, Soobin had planned meticulously a few weeks before to give Kai the best time ever. He wanted Kai to enjoy every single moment of the occasion, and had even gone through the pains of roping Kai’s overprotective dad into his plans in order to gain his permission and approval to have Kai to himself for the whole day.</p>
<p>It had started out with Soobin surprising Kai at his house with a simple, but well thought out breakfast-in-bed. The breakfast had gone surprisingly well, aside from the fact that Kai freaked out a little over Soobin seeing him in such an messy state and had wanted to throw Soobin out of the room until he made himself presentable. But Soobin had silenced him with one of their most scorching kisses to date, and had assured Kai that he looked gorgeous, which of course, made Kai blush the most enticing shade of red.</p>
<p>Soobin really did mean it, seeing Kai all bleary eyed and his hair sleep tousled was one of the most contradicting sights that Soobin had ever seen. This is because Soobin couldn't help but wonder how in hell can Kai manage to look adorable and yet so utterly beautiful at the same time. For a moment in his awe and appraisal of his boyfriend's looks, Soobin had a sudden vision of waking up every single day to this gorgeous sight, and his heart just fluttered off beat for a second, because on one side—whoa, they've only been dating for <em>three</em> months and Soobin was already fantasizing of them a few decades into the future. And yet, on the other side, it just feels so <em>right</em>, and Soobin felt as if Kai would be with him, and they would be together for a long, long time to come, and the feeling just fits somehow, and isn't that the most wonderful and most terrifying thought ever?</p>
<p>And for a moment of that revelation there, Soobin was so viciously reminded of the fact that at that exact moment, Kai <em>is</em> really in fact with him, and really is <em>his</em>, that the swelling in his heart just made him lunged forward to draw Kai into another kiss, only this time, it was deep and languid, just full of content and so much <em>love</em> for the boy in front of him.</p>
<p>It was only until they had managed to actually stop making out and start eating breakfast that Soobin realized that his possessive side had came out just now, but he calmed himself with the fact that it was just that teensiest bit, and besides, it's normal to feel completely besotted with one's boyfriend on one's anniversary, so that display of possessiveness was completely justified.</p>
<p>Also, it looked as if Kai enjoyed it as much as he did.</p>
<p>As according to Soobin's plans, after spending the morning in Kai's house and just cuddling around, what followed was a secluded lunch for two in the park, watching the movies, and taking a ridiculous amount of photos everywhere they went. All of it went very well, and this all built up towards Soobin's plan of a romantic dinner followed by a drop in to the local community theater to watch the newest musical play, in which he had managed to get front row tickets through a few connections.</p>
<p>And then, after the theater, Kai would be spending the night at his apartment, which was entirely approved by Kai’s dad (but not without a few rounds of 'Do anything funny and you'll be answering to me' threats), and seeing that he’s living there alone, they would be having the whole place to themselves, and Soobin had planned for a romantic slow dance, going so far as to surfing the web to find the most appropriate songs.</p>
<p>However, things just fell spectacularly apart before they could make their way back to Soobin's house.</p>
<p>Dinner was of course, perfect, and both of them enjoyed every moment of it. And Kai just let out a high pitched squeal and jumped Soobin when he knew that they were going to watch his favorite musical play with front-row-seats. The play itself, was quite amazing, though of course, paling in comparison to the movies he usually watched, but Kai seemed to enjoy every moment of it, and held on to Soobin's hand while sending him appreciative looks throughout the whole thing, so Soobin deemed it as a success.</p>
<p>But really, Soobin wouldn't have gotten as far as to getting them backstage access after the show was over if he had known what would have happened.</p>
<p>He was accompanying Kai while the counter tenor talked to the main actors, and was just leaning against the wall and enjoying the sight of Kai having such a great time and smiling, laughing and gushing so genuinely that it just practically made him radiate with energy. One of the things that Soobin love most about Kai was the fact that he has such presence, like a force to be reckoned with, and this confident and comfortable-in-his-skin-Kai was really just amazing, and a sight to behold, and Soobin felt as if he could just stand there and admire his boyfriend forever.</p>
<p>Then of course, came a sleazy looking guy that seemed to be in charge of the scripts of the play or something, but the main point is that the moment he appeared, he was immediately crowding into Kai's personal space, leaning too near to talk to him, smiling openly and with no disguise to his intent whatsoever in the way he is eyeing Kai.</p>
<p>Soobin had been chanting a soothing mantra in his head the whole time, just calming himself down, not wanting to be overcome by jealousy again and do something that he might regret on this particular day.</p>
<p>He found it to be quite effective in fact, his mantra going around something like this:</p>
<p>
  <em>…It's alright, the man is just being friendly. Kai obviously is a very attractive person, of course the man would seem to be a bit too fond than appropriate. Nah, that smile wasn't suggestive at all, must be my insane possessiveness talking. Just chill, Soobin. This is our anniversary, our anniversary. It's alright, just calm down…</em>
</p>
<p>And when the man reached out and laid his hands on Kai's waist—much too low to be considered decent, and could even be considered as touching Kai's ass—Soobin just <em>snapped</em>.</p>
<p>This time, he wasn't even aware that he had moved, but the next moment, he found himself pulling Kai behind him, and the man was sprawled on the floor clutching his left cheek. It was only when Soobin felt the prickling pain in his right knuckle that he realized that he must have punched the guy.</p>
<p>The realization did nothing, except for the fact that it made Soobin want to punch the guy again.</p>
<p>But Kai was already gripping his arm, and the urge to protect and keep Kai far, <em>far</em> away from the guy was overriding the pure carnal instinct to beat the guy to a bloody pulp, so Soobin just turned and wrapping his arm around Kai's waist, gently but firmly guided his boyfriend out of the theatre and straight to his car.</p>
<p>It was only when Soobin had help Kai into the car and gotten into the driver's seat and slamming the door that he finally registered what he had done.</p>
<p>He had then proceeded to drop his head onto the steering wheel with a low, mortified groan.</p>
<p>"Hyung, are you okay?" Kai sounded genuinely worried, but Soobin was just too afraid to look up and see that Kai was upset at him for ruining their night.</p>
<p>"Kai I’m—I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to spoil the evening…I was just so, so angry, and that <em>guy</em>, he was just all over you and I—god, I'm such a terrible boyfriend."</p>
<p>Soobin was still bumping his head into the steering wheel with more force that necessary, but Kai's hands gripped his head firmly and turned him so he was facing Kai.</p>
<p>"Hey, stop that. It's okay, really. Unexpected, sure, but it's fine, the man was creeping me out too, and I guess I have to thank you for saving my virtue." Kai said, his mouth curving into a smile even as his right hand gently draw circles at the side of Soobin's neck.</p>
<p>He didn't look angry, or disappointed that Soobin was such a barbarian and <em>not</em> gentlemanly at all, but was in fact looking at Soobin with such a look of adoration and fondness, the soft touch to his eyes turning it a slight bright brown colour.</p>
<p>Tentatively, Soobin asked: "You're not mad at me?"</p>
<p>Kai laughed. "Mad at you for what? Although I still can't believe that my peace-loving boyfriend  actually <em>punched</em> a creep for me, it was actually pretty sweet, in a very inappropriately violent kind of way."</p>
<p>Soobin must have had some kind of look in his face which showed that he was still uncertain and a bit upset with himself, because the next moment, Kai was tugging him much closer, until they were nearly an inch apart, and then Kai said, in a breathy and low tone which just sent shivers through Soobin's spine, chasing away any lingering disappointments he had with his jealousy-issue:</p>
<p>"Now, I think that a kiss would be an appropriate way to thank you, don't you think?"</p>
<p>And the last coherent thought that Soobin had, was that there might be some good out of this jealousy after all, but still, Soobin wasn't entirely sure he liked this side of himself, and <em>Kai</em> still didn't know about it—</p>
<p>But then Kai's tongue slipped in, and Soobin's mind just decided to stop using any brain cells for <em>thinking</em> any more.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fourth time happened too close for comfort.</p>
<p>Soobin had just finished his last period, and was making his way towards the Music club practice room, where Kai was waiting for him. Ever since Kai had decided to continue at the same university as Soobin, their time together had been less, and that made it even more important and memorable for both of them to cherish and fully use whatever chance they have to meet. But he knew that it’s only temporary, he just had to wait patiently for everything to be over.</p>
<p>Somedays where he wasn’t busy with his private tutor, Kai would visit him, just like today. Seeing that his sessions would be ending early, and they had decided to go on a proper date with dinner and movie watching for the night, ending in Kai sleeping over at Soobin's place as the next day was the weekend.</p>
<p>Soobin was looking forward to it. He had missed Kai for the whole week, with both of them too busy with classes to meet up, and his boyfriend's absence was starting to fray the end of Soobin's nerves, with him constantly looking morose and sighing for no apparent reason. His friends were both quite fed up with his pining, and had been instrumental in helping to plan out his date with Kai as they had taken matters into their own hands and informed Kai that Soobin was in an utterly miserable state without Kai by his side.</p>
<p>The thought of seeing Kai made Soobin quicken his pace, and he was rounding the corner to enter the room when he saw a sight which made him stop short and just stare.</p>
<p>Kai wasn't alone. He was almost completely pressed up against the wall by another boy. Namely, one Kang Daniel, a very popular and very handsome athlete in their school. If Soobin is the leader of the Music club and anything arts related, then Daniel would be the reigning king of sports. He plays not only football, but also basketball, hockey, soccer and even fencing. And despite his jock status, Daniel is one of the cleverest and loved seniors, and already had received offers from various prestigious universities all over the country.</p>
<p>Standing next to this tall, blond-haired, brown eyed boy with a killer grin and an even more killer body, Kai definitely doesn't look out of place. In fact, as much as it hurts to admit it, Kai and Daniel standing together looked like a match made in heaven.</p>
<p>As swiftly as the surge of jealousy emerged, so did the sudden depressed and morose feeling that overwhelmed Soobin. How could someone so amazing and brilliant and just <em>gorgeous</em> like Kai ever be content to be with someone like Soobin? He almost wanted to just turn and walk away, but Kai had already noticed him.</p>
<p>His boyfriend's face lit up almost instantly, and the smile that he directed at Soobin was blinding in nature. Soobin felt his breath hitched, and his heart skipped a beat at the sight.</p>
<p>Kai pushed away Daniel—with Soobin feeling a sense of vindictive at seeing the frown on Daniel's face—and practically bounced over in front of him, wrapping him in a bone-crushing hug.</p>
<p>With his face partially buried in the crook of Soobin's neck, Kai inhaled sharply and breathed out, his breath tingling Soobin's skin, and whispered, "I've missed you so much, Soobinie." his voice carrying a peculiar hoarse and scratchy feel to it.</p>
<p>And Soobin could only whisper the same back, and embraced Kai tighter, as his voice was the exact same way.</p>
<p>Soobin didn't know for how long they stood there, just hugging and exchanging hushed and soothing words to one another, but when he looked up, Daniel was gone, and the fierce, cruel and ugly beast residing in the pits of his stomach had once again coiled up in contentment and shied away in the light of Kai's obvious love and affection for Soobin.</p>
<p>Soobin grinned softly at Kai as the latter pulled him down the hallway, talking at one mile a minute about something, and he couldn't help but move in and plant a soft, lingering kiss on Kai's mouth.</p>
<p>The monster was content for now, but Soobin can't help but hope that it will never emerge ever again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The fifth time was the last straw. Not for Kai, but for Soobin.</p>
<p>Things were actually doing good at first. Once Kai had finished his exams and moved to the same university, they were almost inseparable. The two of them would spend almost every moment with one another, trading kisses and hugs and declarations of love as if it was the last time, and they couldn't stop themselves from wanting more and wanting to do it again and again and <em>again</em>. And when they weren't doing ridiculously loving gestures, they would just sit, for hours, sometimes talking about everything and yet nothing of significance, other times just content to be in each other's presence, the silence like a warm blanket wrapped over them and shielding them in a cocoon of warmth and love.</p>
<p>Other times, they would speak, discussing things of importance, like where they both wanted to be in the future, what school they wanted to go to, how should they continue on in the future—things that were both important to themselves and to <em>them</em>. They would just sit together, mostly with their hands entwined and their eyes kept on the other, and they would just let the words flow. And for all of Kai's flashy attitude and diva-esque personality, he would be a statue painted of soft yet firm words, with his eyes shining gently like the soothing shine of a full moon's glow, and Soobin would be mesmerized.</p>
<p>They were always completely honest with one another, and for all that he loved Kai and knew that Kai loved him, Soobin could not bring himself to tell Kai about his jealousy problem. It was almost stupid to think that he was afraid, but every time he tried to bring himself to talk about it, he would blurt out something different in the end. It was getting to be almost unbearable for Soobin. He felt like somehow, he was lying to his boyfriend with each passing day of not telling, but another part of him was afraid of how Kai might react when he knew that Soobin really isn't that much of a gentleman as he appeared to be.</p>
<p>To make matters worse, Kai had been getting increasingly friendly with a transfer named Choi Yeonjun, <em>the</em> Choi Yeonjun, Kai’s former bully who apparently had a change of heart. And while Soobin knew that Kai only wanted to help the guy and was being genuinely friendly, he couldn't help but feel a sharp jolt of jealousy every time he saw Kai smiling or talking softly to the other boy.</p>
<p>But Soobin managed to keep it bottled down, and when he kissed Kai <em>harder</em> and more passionate later in the day, he never offered any explanation.</p>
<p>It all came to a head, just two months into Yeonjun's transfer.</p>
<p>Two months of trying and failing to not be jealous of Kai's friendship and sudden closeness to Yeonjun. Two months of trying to be okay but in reality, not really okay at all. Two months of trying to keep his calm. Two months of trying to change his jealous self. And Soobin just can't take it anymore, so he just snapped, almost horrifyingly, in the middle of Music Club practice.</p>
<p>Because Choi-freaking-Yeonjun was now an official Music Club club member, and when everyone had protested, Kai had been the one who stood up and spoke for Yeonjun. And Kai's trust and words had been the reason that everyone agreed in the end.</p>
<p>Soobin had never been so proud to have Kai as his boyfriend. To think that Kai would be the bigger man, and would actually forgive and accept his former <em>bully</em>, it just shows a side of Kai that is so selfless and so <em>Kai</em> that Soobin could swear that he fell even more in love with his boyfriend, which would sound impossible, as Soobin was already so head-over-heels for Kai.</p>
<p>But he had also never been so jealous.</p>
<p>He was frustrated at himself. Why can't he just be a bigger man like Kai and not be so childishly <em>jealous</em> all the time? He really wanted to stop himself from feeling so, but he just can't help it. Feeling torn at the sudden jumble of emotions, Soobin had stood up abruptly mid-practice and just left, ignoring everyone's confused calls after him.</p>
<p>He made it halfway down the hallway when Kai caught up with him, stopping him with a firm hold of his wrist.</p>
<p>"Soobin! Are you okay? What's wrong?"</p>
<p>Soobin looked up, and Kai's eyes were so wide, trusting and filled with concern for him that he can't help but feel disgusted with himself all over again.</p>
<p>Impulsively, he reached forward and pulled Kai into a demanding kiss, he bit at Kai's lips and when they opened with a small gasp, he pushed his tongue in, unlike how he usually coaxed Kai to give him permission with gentle nibbles, and he practically just ravaged Kai's mouth thoroughly, taking and <em>taking</em> until they were both out of breath and had to part.</p>
<p>He laid his forehead against Kai's and closed his eyes. Both of their breaths were coming out in short and heaved puffs of air, and Soobin's almost afraid to look Kai in the eye.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry.” Soobin blurted out. “I'm not a gentleman at all, Kai. I'm just a jealous, possessive bastard. Fuck, you deserve better."</p>
<p>He looked up and saw that Kai was staring at him in what seemed to be a shocked expression. His usually perfectly styled hair was messed up from Soobin's hands running over them possessively, his lips were swollen to an enticing deep red, his face was flushed, and his eyes were wide and staring right back at Soobin.</p>
<p>And Soobin couldn't read a single thing in his boyfriend's eyes, so he did what most people would do, he turned tail and ran.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Soobin knew that he was a coward.</p>
<p>He had been ignoring Kai's phone calls and messages for one and a half-day now. He spent the entire period hiding in his apartment, and thanked all the gods above that it was Saturday and he would only need to see Kai on Monday. Which gives him about another one and a half day to plan the most appropriate reason for his freak out on Thursday evening.</p>
<p>He was moping, he knew it, and he had already eaten two tubs of ice cream and hung around the house like a haunted ghost. He tried doing the chores to keep his mind off things, but it hasn't done any good and he had broken two plates and messed up the whole bundle of laundry by staining them pink with a maroon sweater that he forgot to pick aside. So he just gave up on doing anything productive and blasted sad, emotional songs at the top of their volume in his room while he played mundane games on his phone.</p>
<p>He was at his third game when he heard the doorbell. It rang once, twice, thrice, and Soobin slumped in his chair, and contemplated whether he should go and answer it. The person outside seemed to have gotten impatient, as they pressed the doorbell a few times in quick succession. And then came the pounding on the door.</p>
<p>"CHOI SOOBIN! Open up! I know you're in there! SOOBIN!" Kai shouted.</p>
<p>Soobin sat up. He couldn't believe that Kai had come all the way to find him. Before he gave any thought, he was already halfway down the stairs on instinct, almost every fiber of his being screaming in want and need to see Kai. But he paused, as he remembered his actions on Thursday.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, Kai continued on shouting.</p>
<p>"Soobin! Open the fucking door! Or so help me, I'm going to—" Soobin's mouth fell open.</p>
<p>Kai never swore. Like never, not in a million years. Not his innocent boyfriend.</p>
<p>Something twisted inside Soobin's gut, an almost sharp pang of yearning and remorse and <em>love</em>, all the emotions jumbled up into something that was tearing Soobin's heart in a thousand different directions.</p>
<p>He was moving towards the door and sliding the metal lock before his mind caught up with his actions. With a twist of the doorknob and a sharp click, he swung open the door, just to see Kai frozen in motion, his fist raised in an obvious way of wanting to knock down the door with sheer strength and willpower alone.</p>
<p>Soobin knew that he must be a sore sight. His clothes were well-worn and rumpled, his hair was a terrible mess, his eyes were surely bloodshot, and he must have had on an expression of a kicked and wounded puppy.</p>
<p>Surprisingly, Kai wasn't his usual immaculate self. He had on simple dark skinny jeans and a tight fitting grey collared shirt, and he was actually wearing sneakers. His hair was tousled, and a few strands fell over his forehead. But even so, Kai looked drop dead gorgeous, in a very without-effort and natural way.</p>
<p>Kai's face was another matter. His eyes were practically sparkling with anger and determination, and his mouth was pulled into a thin line and his jaw was set. There was a flush to his cheeks, and to put it simply, he looked like a furious avenging angel.</p>
<p>"Kai—" He said, but Kai raised a hand to cut him off.</p>
<p>"Soobin." Kai's voice was cold, and Soobin felt his heart sank.</p>
<p>Before he knew it, Soobin had Kai pinned to the wall, fully using his advantage in height for the first time ever in their relationship, and then he was claiming the younger man’s plush lips in an almost vicious kiss, trying to tell him how sorry he was.</p>
<p>But it seems like Kai didn’t want to back down. Usually it was Soobin who dominated their kisses, but this time, Kai gave absolutely no leeway as he kissed Soobin with a certain degree of never before seen ferocity. Every press of Kai's lips were with purpose, every swipe of his tongue was unrelenting, and his fingers and palm were just everywhere—so Soobin fought back, pushing him harder against the wall, holding his hips in place, curved around his waist, pulling him in by the nape of neck for more, more, <em>more</em>.</p>
<p>And in the end Kai just surrendered himself willingly; almost weak-knee in the onslaught of Soobin's passionate and dominating kisses.</p>
<p>Then it was suddenly over, and Kai was panting and leaning against the wall for support, looking up almost dazedly at his boyfriend. But despite that, he still gave him an almost fierce glare, and said:</p>
<p>"Y-You listen to me, and you listen to me clearly, Choi Soobin." His voice was soft but steel in nature, and left no illusions to the fact that it must be obeyed and paid attention to. Soobin stared back almost in awe, but Kai continued on. "There will be no repeat of Thursday and Friday's disappearing act and ignoring my calls and messages and emails. Next time, when you have a crisis, don't run and avoid me like I'm the plague. <em>Talk to me</em>. Do you understand?"</p>
<p>Soobin nodded mutely.</p>
<p>Kai's eyes softened. "Good. You don't know how worried I've been. You aren't returning my calls, you aren't replying my messages, and you didn't come to uni. Do you know I'm worried sick about you? Not knowing what's going on with you, not knowing what the problem is, and just over thinking every single detail." Kai's voice broke in the end, and Soobin was the one who leapt forward and wrapped Kai into a hug.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, baby." Soobin muttered again and again into Kai's hair as the boy dropped his head onto Soobin's shoulder. After a moment, Kai moved away, and it was obvious that he had been struggling not to cry from the red tinge in his eyes.</p>
<p>"I know, hyung.” he smiled weakly. “Now, will you please explain to me everything in a sane manner now? I don't think I can handle another wild thought my mind seems keen in producing."</p>
<p>Soobin gulped, but nodded. It was time to come clean.</p>
<p>Pulling Kai into his apartment and locking the door, he led Kai to his bedroom, and sat in front of Kai on his bed. Then, he told Kai everything, starting from the first time he felt jealous, to all the other numerous and minor instances that his possessiveness came into play, and to the time in Thursday where he just couldn't take it anymore. His words came out in an odd jumble sometimes, in his haste to try to convey his feelings properly, and his sentences just jumped from one story to another.</p>
<p>But Kai just sat and listen patiently, silent the whole time, but he held Soobin's hands all the time, and the few squeezes and grazing over his knuckles whenever Soobin struggled to tell the truth were enough comfort and encouragement.</p>
<p>Finally telling Kai everything that he had been feeling, Soobin felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest, and he gave a relieved sigh at the end.</p>
<p>Kai was silent for a moment, and then he just smiled. "Soobin-hyung, you're such an idiot." He then proceeded to hug Soobin tightly for a few moments before leaning back, and the grin on his face was almost vibrant in beauty.</p>
<p>"You're—you're not mad?"</p>
<p>Kai rolled his eyes. "Of course I'm not mad! I've known that you're jealous a few times, but I never thought that it would be getting to you, and since there were times when it was <em>me</em> who's jealous, I thought that we never mentioned it to one another because we both knew that the other was fine with it!"</p>
<p>Soobin's mind was reeling. "Wait—What?"</p>
<p>Kai smiled at him affectionately. Leaning forward and giving Soobin a quick peck on the lips, he said: "Soobinie, jealousy is nothing to be ashamed of. I'm actually a bit flattered and happy that you care about me enough to actually be jealous."</p>
<p>"Wait, you don't think that me getting jealous and possessive is like me not trusting you or our relationship enough?"</p>
<p>Kai blushed. "Well, I don't know about others, but I <em>like</em> your jealousy and possessiveness." And with his eyes averted, said, "And well, it kind of makes me feel like I'm yours, you know." His face was almost flaming red now.</p>
<p>Soobin's jaw dropped.</p>
<p>"You're really okay with it? Because I've tried, really, but I don't think I can really get rid of this nature of mine, but if you feel uncomfortable because of it, or don't like it, then I can really try to tone it down, I'll never mention anything, I swear—"</p>
<p>"Hyung!" Kai took both of his hands in, and staring straight into Soobin's eyes, said: "I love it when you get all jealous and possessive over me, okay? And I like you just the way you are; you don't have to change anything for me. And I love that I'm thoroughly yours as much as you are thoroughly mine. So get it through your mind <em>right now</em> that I'm more than perfectly okay with you being occasionally jealous and possessive, alright?"</p>
<p>Soobin stared; he almost couldn't believe it, that Kai was actually okay with this, okay with <em>him</em>. Joy filled him immediately, and he felt warmth and just so much love for his kind, beautiful boyfriend at the moment.</p>
<p>"<em>Kai, you’re just… you—</em>" He breathed out, tone obviously amazed. He was grinning like a lunatic now, but the gaze he gave Kai was one filled with adoration and love, and he almost couldn't believe how fortunate he was to have found Kai in his life. “You’re amazing, you know that?”</p>
<p>Kai grinned back widely. "And you, are my gorgeous, handsome, oblivious fool of a <em>perfect</em> boyfriend." He chastised teasingly and his eyes glinted in both joy and mischief. " Now shut up and kiss me."</p>
<p>And Soobin did.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>kudos/comments are very appreciated!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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